Top Ten Reasons Why Not Having A Kitchen Is A GOOD Thing

Yes, I know that to most people this whole being without a kitchen for 6 weeks would be a terrible inconvenience and while it hasn't all been a big ray of sunshine there are some GOOD things that have happened ONLY because my kitchen was destroyed 6 weeks ago. Did I mention it's been 6 weeks without a kitchen? Okay. Here we go:

#10. We get to eat out and have insurance reimburse us. (Honestly, this was number one for about a week, but dropped consistently lower each week. If we are without a kitchen much longer it will not make the next list...)

#9 I've learned some mad camping cookin' skillz due to a lack of conveniences.

#8 I've whittled down my necessary utensils to two spatulas, a set of knives, a whisk, three spoons, a manual can opener and an ice cream scoop. Who knew you didn't need all those gadgets? My new drawers will be so tidy.

#7 I know what restaurants have the most "not necessarily healthy, but not as horrible as fast food" food choices. And although I won't want to eat out for a while, this is knowledge that I can carry with me.

#6 My big utility sink holds more dirty dishes then my regular sink.

#5 I have become one with my microwave.

#4 It doesn't really matter how much money you put out for plastic utensils because they all break anyway.

#3 Cereal for dinner is acceptable. Hey, I cut up an orange....

#2 I was able to truly clean all that gunk that had dripped down the sides of my stove from the counter. Oh My Heavens....I will not tell you how gross that was.

AND NOW THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY HAVING NO KITCHEN IS A GOOD THING:

#1 You can't mop the concrete floor.

Hallelujah!

After a few months of trying and a week of wet underpants, my last baby, Zach, is finally potty trained! Let's all take a moment to realize that my sweet babies are all growing up. Okay, that's enough of that! Now let's think of the extra money, time and sensory calmness I will now be able to enjoy! HOORAY!!!!! I've been changing diapers continuously since January of 1998 and now I'm free!

The Boys

A brief glimpse into my days as babysitter to two three-old-boys:

Cute; Naughty; Cute; Naughty. Repeat all day long at 5 minute intervals.

Zach and Haydn were lying on the back porch telling jokes to each other and

laughing hysterically. I, not being a 3-yr-old boy, didn't get any of them.

Zach and Boogie (Haydn) decided the day was too beautiful for clothes.

It seems most days are too beautiful for clothes. Sigh.

The boys were watching the "worker guys" push wheelbarrows filled with wet cement from the front of the house to the backyard. GREAT FUN! Especially when they try to recreate the experience with mud.

With no coaching from me and having never seen "Wierd Science," the boys found new ways to have fun. This is before all the cushions were removed from the couches and plywood from said couches used as springboards into the pool of cushions.

It's a good thing that those two boys are SO STINKIN' CUTE!

My Super 40 Birthday Bash!

THE BIG 40th BIRTHDAY BASH!

So, I turned 40 this month, June 12 to be exact, and earlier this year I said to myself, "Self, I think you deserve a big ol' birthday party!" Well, myself and I agreed with me and the three of us started planning. The biggest problem was, however, finding the time to plan this shindig. See...I had my proverbial plate proverbially full and I had to squeeze the planning in and around the multiple other projects (ie kids' b-day parties, stake primary events, girls camp song skit planning, kindergarten memory book production, vacations) I was involved in on top of my full-time jobs of wife, mother, babysitter and part-time accountant. Yes, I looked at my schedule and thought for just a brief...brief moment that I was overextending myself. But then I said to myself, "But Self, you are now overextending yourself for YOURSELF." Once again, my committee of me, myself and I was unanimous in its decision and the party got planned....and planned well, I might add.

I created this lovely invite on my laptop and thought it was fun. I didn't know why I chose the Super Hero theme. I certainly don't think of myself as a Superhero as I have absolutely NO superpowers and I completely lack a nemesis (unless you call TIME a nemesis.) I just really liked the look of it all and decided to carry the theme into my party. The two main things I wanted were a live band and to arrive at my party in a hearse. I got both. Yeah...baby. So, take a look at my pictures and enjoy. I pretty much invited everyone I've ever known over the past 25 years so you all should have gotten an invite. If you didn't get one I'm sorry. Let me know and I'll get you one for my 50th Birthday Party. It you got one and couldn't come...we missed you but partied hard anyway!

To those that came...THANK YOU - MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF THANKS! It was great to see you all and some came from far off so again thanks. I have been blessed with awesome friends and family. Yes, indeedy.

Now...on to the photos!

Here I am arriving at the party. I found this guy online. He makes a living restoring cars, but makes a "killing" renting out his hearse filled with caskets that have been converted into coolers and kegs. No...I didn't get a casket. He picked Troy and I up about 645p and we drove around for about 30 minutes til most of the party goers were there. Then Nate, my bro, flashed the SuperSignal for me (& called me on the phone), had the guests go outside and I arrived. Way too much fun. I could hear the cheering as we turned into the parking lot. My SuperStar moment. In case you're wondering, my shirt says "c.1969" (with the "c" in a circle.) Check out photos below for better detail.

Here's my Super Signal. I had found a 8ft by 23ft "scene setter" for a cartoon Batman party. It just had the cityscape in it. It fit the walls perfect and we took it all the way around. The band played at the end of the party. We mingled, ate, sang Happy Birthday, and most did the stations around the room: "Pick Your Super Hero Name;" "Pick Your Super Power;" and "Super Hero Photos." Again...don't have any reason for the Super Hero theme except...I liked it.

Me schmoozing...it's what I do. It was great to see everyone, I'm tellin' you!

In accordance with the hearse we wished a warm "Rest in Peace" to my youth. It was a sad thing to have to do, but I'm over it. Bring on middle age, baby. I can now do all sorts of things I couldn't do before and just blame my age- like forgetting things...repeatedly; wearing lots of elastic; and using my ailing and aching body parts as an excuse to get out of manual labor. WAHOO! Yes, I'm looking at the world through rose-colored bifocals now, my friend.

My lovely mother-in-law, who we flew in to help with the party and to watch the kids when Troy and I left on a getaway to Denver, made this cake for me. It has cutouts of me as a kid with a superhero cape playing with plastic dinosaurs...my childhood playmates. Yeah...I love her!

Here's a sample of the fun Super Hero photos that were taken. Surprisingly, more people didn't participate in this....hmmmmmm. I probably shouldn't have picked The Scheiers to publically embarass as they did take Carol Chimonas home for me. How she got there is a completely different blog entry... I think Preston's face clinched the deal on which photo to use.

So remember, my second wish for by party was a live band. Mr. Ashley Hall and His Having a Ball Band, not its real name, but they don't have one so I'll pick one of my own, graciously agreed to play 80's covers tunes all night long (no, he didn't play that Lionel Richie classic. Thankfully.)I got to do two songs with the band: The Tide Is High, with the lovely Nora Johnson singing lead and then My Super Rock Star moment, kiddos, with me on guitar, Ashley on bass and the drummer! It's just me, baby...and I ROCKED! I posted the video on youtube, and I'll try to get the other one up but it took FOREVER. I just don't have the patience for uploading things I guess. The quality is definitely NOT guaranteed as it was recorded on a tiny cheap digital camera. I promise my first video for MTV will be better...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0_HSxdqVyI

I'll try to post the other song, "Tide Is High" on Facebook. It's an incomplete video, but gives you an idea how AWESOME it was.... Sorry, my adrenaline still pumps in the red zone when I think about it. I brought extra picks and threw them out into the audience when I was done. Then I promptly trashed my hotel room, fired my manager and screamed at the paparazzi as I ducked into my limo. What a life....

The party ended well, as we had numerous people show up to say "Hi" and we got to chat. The band just started playing whatever they wanted and we danced and danced. What a great evening. What a rush. Me, myself and I are thrilled with the results and SO completely happy that we took on the extra work. Yeah, it seemed kinda sad that I would have to throw my own party, but I've always been the one that if I wanted to get it done I just did it myself. I'd like to thank my family who helped set up and take down. I'd like to thank Marilyn Crandall for helping set up the food and keeping it going. I'd like to thank Ashley and his bandmates for the great show. And most of all THANKS EVERYONE FOR COMING TO PLAY WITH ME!

Rachel and Gwen's Excellent New York Adventure!

FINALLY, THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR... (all 5 of you!)



WOW! What an amazing trip! I have returned to a messy, crazy house, but with a lower level of stress and sameness. Horray. My kids (and hubby) all survived and made it to all of the two pages of commitments I wrote up for my absence. So here are a few photos of my adventure. Gwen and I definitely were on the "Off-The-Beaten-Path NYC Tour" so if you're looking for amazing pictures of the Statue of Liberty or Times Square you're gonna have to go google it, my friend. And if the events don't seem like they'd be all that much fun just remember... it was MY trip. :-)

The first day Gwen took my on a "Project Runway Tour." Her hotel, the WONDERFUL Residence Inn Marriott Times Square, was in the fashion district and only about a block from where the show takes place. The first pic is of the building where the designing happens. Around the corner are the condos the contestants live in and the second picture is of me in Mood, the amazing fabric store they get their supplies at. Three floors of fabric, ribbons, buttons, lace, leather, upholstery, etc. Everything a girl needs to create the next runway sensation! No, I didn't quickly sew a ballgown. I had things to do....

We ate the BEST PIZZA EVER at Lombardi's in Little Italy. It's been in operation since late 1800's and received the first pizzaria food licence in 1905. The pizza tastebuds on my tongue are now so spoiled that when I try to order Papa John's pizza for my family the tastebuds revolted and tied up up tongue so I couldn't speak....well, not really, but it felt like it. It was really good pizza. Really.

What you can't see in the above pictures is that the heavens above NYC opened up and dumped huge amounts of rain on us for most of the day. Huge amounts. Our shoes and pant legs up to our knees were soaked from walking around in it. At one point we got caught on the island in the middle of a busy NY street and taxis were racing by spraying water on us at every angle. On purpose, we are fairly sure of. IT WAS AWESOME! True New York Moment.

We went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art that night and had the place pretty much to ourselves. We wandered aimlessly and enjoyed the massive amount of stuff there. Very cool. We came home from the met and got out at Grand Central Station, where we got a bowl of Matzo bowl soup at Junior's Diner in the basement of the Station. Coooooool.

Saturday we saw some sunshine as we traveled to the lower east side to visit the Tenement Museum. It was an actual tenement building to immigrants built in 1860. It housed over 10000 families before it was boarded up during the depression. The same family owned the building and it stayed boarded up until 1980 when the family sold it to NYC. The building hadn't been changed or walked into in 50 years. They have redone a few apartments and you choose one of 5 tours. We chose the tour that shows the apartments of 2 jewish tailor families who came over from eastern Russia, my people. It was amazing. It gave me chills to hear their stories and see how they lived, because my ancestors did the same things...if not in the same area. Awesome.

While we were down there we also ate at Katz' Deli, where "When Harry Met Sally" was filmed, but more importantly "The Oldest Deli in America." We discovered on this trip that New Yorkers frequently describe their businesses as "the most ______ of ______." Either that or "The King of _________." Personally, I don't care because it was a delicious HUGE sandwich at Katz' and the chocolate covered canoli I ate from "The King of Canoli's" was scrumptious. We also found "Economy Candy" in the Lower East Side. It was filled with everything candy. Stuff you still didn't think they made anymore. Very cool.

Our first celebrity sighting came after we saw "Guys and Dolls" Saturday evening. Lauren Graham, from "Gilmore Girls" played Adalaide and Oliver Platt, from movies(? I can't think of any right now. Google him.) played Nathan Detroit. It was so good! They were both fantastic and all the leads came out after the play to sign autographs. Myself, I am a confirmed celebrity stalker, but Gwen, not so much. She thought it crazy to wait for them to show, but I'm telling you that after she felt that superstar rush from meeting and talking with them she willingly ran with me down the side street to chase down the Dahli Lama's limosine the next day... We didn't really see the DAHLI all that well, but we did say "HELLO" to him.....wait for it.....wait for it. THERE it is!

We also went the a mega bookstore, The Strand ("The Oldest Bookstore In New York") that day. It was a very busy day. What a fabulous place. New books, old books, rare books. Wall-to-wall and 3 stories tall. It's floor's were original and I worried I'd break through on some places, but what a cool place to die....

Okay, here's the photo I teased you all with. On Sunday (I know! I'm a heathen! But I was a heathen with only a few days in NYC...sorry.) we bought tickets in the morning for "Mamma Mia" for a matinee. While we waited, we walked (in the rain again) down to the fancy 5th ave shops: Tiffany's; Bergdorf Goodman; Armani; etc. It's also where the big FAO Swartz Toy Store is. This is where they filmed the scene in the Tom Hanks movie, "Big." They have the piano there and let you come play it. An employee is there to watch over things. I took my shoes off and walked on, sharing it with a couple kids and another adult. I started hopping out "Heart and Soul" like in the movie and the employee came over and did the top hand. The piano cleared out and we had it to ourselves. It was awesome. Wow, the cool things I get to do.

We saw "Mamma Mia' that afternoon after a quick lunch in the basement at 30 Rock, NBC headquarters. You sit at a table that looks over the icerink with the big gold lounging guy statue. I'm sure he has a name but I don't know it so "big gold lounging guy" will have to do. "Mamma Mia" was good, but not as good at "Guys and Dolls." Guess I like the classics. We headed late afternoon to go to Gwen's house in Monroe, New York, about 30 miles north of Manhattan. It's in the Hudson River Valley and it is a beautiful part of the country. It was fun to see Gwen's family. Dagny and Tessa are growin' up on us, I tell ya.

The next day we got kids off to school and headed out to West Point Military Academy, which is about 30 minute drive from their house. It was very interesting and completely picturesqe. Beautiful countryside. You can see why the pilgrims were all over setting up shop there 400 years ago.

Gwen, Dagny and myself hit the huge outlet mall by their house in Monroe that evening. A great shopping experience was had by all.


On Tuesday my flight didn't leave til 6pm so we managed to pack in a full day. Joel, Gwen and I headed out for Tarrytown and Sleepy Hollow, yes, THAT Sleepy Hollow. We toured a huge gothic type castle in Tarrytown. It was built by a "live the american dream" guy in the late 1880's and eventually bought by Jay Gould, a robber baron of the early 20th Century. It was amazing. It had been in the Gould family and used as a residence til the 1970's when it was willed to the National Preservation Trust. It was overhauled to give tours and has been a showplace ever since. Really amazing. Most of the stuff is all smoke and mirrors in the house, however. You think it's stone bricks inside, but it's concrete painted to look like brick. You think it's marble floors, but it's hardwood painted and treated to look like marble. The tour guide said it wasn't done to save money. It was done as an artist conversation piece-a kinda "Think that's marble...it's NOT! Ha, fooled you." Whatever billows their sail, I suppose. It was cool, though.


We stopped at Sleepy Hollow Cemetary and the Old Dutch Church on the way back to Monroe. What a neat cemetery! Some of the headstones were from the 1600's. It's all hodgepodge burying, however. So there's modern graves (there's still room available, they advertised) alongside graves from typhoid victims of 1840. Awesome. I took a picture of me running on the famous Headless Horseman Bridge for fun. When I had the film developed I was astonished at what was there!!!!


We made it back to get the girls and then they drove me out to the Newburgh airport. It's by Orange County Choppers, yes, that one on the TLC show. We went to their new store and you could watch the bikes being built. They make two of every bike and keep one at the store so we looked at those. I thought about buying a custom bike for the kids, but I was only willing to spend $25,000 for a custom bike and they were asking $30,000. Oh well, maybe next trip.





I got to the airport with plenty of time to spare. Especially since I was one of about 10 people there. The same lady who check in my bag, took my ticket and boarded the flight. I was fully expecting to hear her voice over the loudspeaker..."Hello, this is the captain speaking." My bag, which weighed about 25 pounds going there had almost doubled to 47.5 lbs, just making the 50 lb weight limit. Whew.... I was EXHAUSTED. I had the whole row (all two seats) on the short flight to Philadelphia, where I again had the whole row (three seats now) on the cross-country flight home. I arrived home at midnight, 3 am NYC time. I had been awake for 20 hours straight. But totally worth it. It was a FANTASTIC TRIP! I had a blast and I'm already planning my next one. I'm not sure if I'll be able to convince Troy to let me go again, but I'll sneak out if I have too!
Thank you, Gwen, for an UNBELIEVABLE adventure. You have a great hotel and an adorable family...even you, Joel. :-) Thanks for your hospitality and good-time, girlfriend fun! I've told others about my trip and now have a small group of "Next time you go I'm coming with You" Ladies. Maybe Gwen and I could start a Tour Company? Hmmmmm. I'll let you know when to start booking your trips.


Stay tuned for the big recap of My Big 40 Blowout Bash. It was SOOOOOOOO cool! Thanks to Jackie and Gwen and Laree for sending/telling stories of me throughout the years. BIG thanks for NOT sending certain stories....

CAIO!

Okay, kids! Just to whet your appetite...here's a picture from my big ol' trip to New York City! I promise to blog more but life is still at a heightened level of chaos. When school is out life will return to normal levels of chaos and I shall tell you my trip stories then. Thanks for your patience!

START SPREADIN' THE NEWS!

I log this entry in my blog on the eve of the eve of my BIG trip to New York City to see my good friend and fellow soon to be 40-year-old pal, Gwen Gibson Lytle. We were best friends in high school and she's the only one I have kept in consistent contact with since those glory days. She is now the general manager of the Marriott Residence Inn Times Square in Manhattan and it is there I will meet her Thursday night for 5 Amazing, shopping-filled, late-night fun, big city days. I have been way too busy the past few months and totally need the escape. I will fill you all in when I return!

CAIO, babes!

Somebody bake me a cake with a file in it!

Sorry about the wait on a new blog. Time seems to be extremely valuable these days and with the economy the way it is and all I'm trying to do my part.

I did, however, want to let you all know that if Maricopa County Jail does not have blogspot.com you may not get to hear much from me...unless I can get my kid to miss more school. You see, I got a letter from Chandler Public Schools the other day addressed to "The Parents of Emma Willes." I opened it up and discovered that due to the fact my daughter, Emma, had missed 10 days of school last semester I was in violation of some revised statute or something and that the elementary school had dutifully turned my name into the school district truant officer. Yes... I know...I didn't seem to be a big ol' rulebreaker, but appearently I am! Principal Londer, AKA Attendance Nazi, further stated that this could result in a citation to appear in court and "prosecution may result." I'm going to quote now, because my fear-filled mind is currently trying to figure out how to smuggle my Coke Zero into jail, "If there is a conviction, it is a Class 3 misdemeanor with potential consequences of payment of court fees, community service hours, attending mandatory counseling, fines AND/OR A JAIL SENTANCE!" (Caps and exclamation mark added for complete shock factor.) The letter then closed with the advice to contact the attendance office so that we can "rectify this matter." Wow. Can you imagine? Me going to jail? I was at first fearful and confused. I'm not big on baloney and please, horizontal black and white stripes. That's so 2 seasons ago...but then I started to think, "Hey, jail might not be so bad! Three square meals a day that I don't have to cook! Lots of time to watch tv, read, possibly work out at the gym! The opportunity to talk to adults on a regular basis AND mandatory lights out at a decent hour!" I began to get hopeful as I raced into the school's office for my sentance. But alas, the nice attendance lady, who happens to be my friend and enjoyed my enthusiasm, said that I shouldn't worry about the letter. The good Commandant Londer had sent them out in a fit of disgruntledness due to poor attendance and I was one of the lucky ones to get the nasty-gram. I was so disappointed. So let-down. My dreams of an all-expenses paid, relaxing vacation were dashed upon the rocks of reality. Heavy sigh.... And so I must find ways to keep my daughter home. Unfortunately, she currently enjoys going to school and seems to have the health and strength of a sherpa on Mount Everest so it looks like I'll be able to blog again soon. What made it even tougher is that my sister-in-law, Tana, also got a nasty gram just last week and we both so looked forward to hanging out together.....

The Ballad of Zachy The Kid

A long time ago in the Wild Wild West

Lived an outlaw named Zachy the Kid.

He was wanted by the law for awful crimes

He claimed he never really did.

Now the sheriff in town was strong and brave.

Sheriff Boogie was the man's name.

And keeping his town clear of outlaws

Like Zachy the Kid was his game.

But one day Zachy the Kid stormed into town

And spotted the spiffy hat Boogie had.

He grabbed it right off of the sheriff

And Boogie's day suddenly went very bad.

But Sheriff Boogie quickly got to work

Throwing Zach into jail just like that.

But Zachy the Kid wasn't too upset.

Because, after all, he kept the hat.